Disclaimer: HBO owns Oz.
Summary: Lockdown just ain't fun, when the lights are on.
Toby cleaned under his nails before trimming them. He studiously ignored his podmate. They'd been in this box far too long, and it was wearing on his sanity. Of course, some people would argue he didn't have any sanity left to lose, but he did. He hoped.
"You start sprouting nursery rhymes, and I'll shank ya."
"How friendly of you." Toby started on his right hand. He firmly pushed away images of blood and screams.
"Don't fuck with me, Beech."
Toby bit the inside of his mouth. Was it crazy to want to start a fight so he could be thrown in the hole? Yeah. It was. The hole sucked worse than this. A hack strolled by, and he wanted to throw something at him. They initiated lockdown to control the violence, but all it did was make him want to kill people, and he was nothing but a pussy bitch. Crazy prison system. It had seemed fine, even fair, when he wasn't in it. He heard the toilet flush, but didn't look. Keller had quit wearing sweats about two days ago. He was crazy too, but in a different way.
"Got any skin mags that I haven't read?"
"If I did, I wouldn't give them to you." Toby smiled.
Toby laughed. He looked his hands over. They were fine, and now he really had nothing to do because he refused to stare at Keller. The prick.
"I heard that." Keller leaned against the top bunk. "You forgave me. You love me."
"Yada yada." Toby rolled his eyes. "I fucking remember."
"Then shut the fuck up!"
Toby glared into dark, blue eyes. Keller probably would start a fight just to get out of here. He'd passed caged lion three days ago, and now was far more dangerous. Was it three? Fuck it. "Let's fight so we can get out of here."
"That's stupid." Keller went ahead and made a huge fist though.
"Yeah." Toby rolled to his stomach and shoved his head under the pillow. "You hit hard."
"No other way to do it, and you're no pussy." Keller casually put his hand on Toby's leg.
Toby didn't grace that bit of stupidity with an answer. Sure, he'd killed Metzger, and what Keller didn't know for sure didn't hurt him, but he was still a pussy. He didn't like to fight, and here, in Oz, that made him a bitch. Violence always surprised him. He wasn't a man that had spent his entire life hitting, cursing, spitting, and hating. Being reasonable and willing to negotiate conflicts were not assets in this shithole.
Keller yanked the pillow off. "Come out and face the world."
"Fucker." Toby swung his legs over and hit the floor. He paced to the door. He could stare out for three or four hours. "What I don't understand is why more people don't kill each other in prison. This type of confinement should dramatically reduce the prison population. Only half of the prisoners would emerge from each lockdown. After a year or two, no more problems!"
"You're fucked!" Keller laughed. He leaned against the glass so they could see each other's faces.
Toby pushed the door futilely. He scanned for someone, anyone, and was surprised to see McManus strolling through the quad. McManus glanced at him, and Toby licked the glass. Sure, it was crazy, but he was going crazy! McManus looked disgusted and kept moving.
"Yeah, he's as bad as we are." Toby smiled.
"I meant you."
"I know. I'm smart, not like the rest of you fuckheads."
"That's it. I'm killing you."
"Please." Toby slammed his fists into door and walked to the other side of the box. Keller looked seriously angry. Toby sneered, "Come on, big fella."
Keller put his hands on his head and squeezed. "Tell me again why I love you."
"You're desperate for honest affection after years of being incarcerated in shitholes like Oz. Oh, also, you're-"
"Shut up!" Keller got on his bunk and hid his eyes. "Please."
Toby laughed. He sat on the floor by the bunk and rubbed his face. Crazy didn't begin to describe this. It was truly ironic that he'd drank to excess because he'd felt trapped in a life he didn't want. Now he was truly trapped, with no whiskey in sight. "Got any booze?"
"We drank it."
"Oh yeah." Toby remembered now. There hadn't been much, a remnant from his last bender, before he'd gotten dry, again. And he hadn't really taken a drink, no, he'd just licked some off Keller's bare chest and exchanged a few wet kisses. It didn't count. Not at all. "And they wonder why we're all on drugs."
"They don't wonder. They don't give a shit."
Toby couldn't argue with that. He'd naively assumed otherwise at some point in his incarceration. That's what made him a pussy. He ran a hand along his face and got up to shave.
"I kinda liked your beard. Made you look insane."
Toby didn't answer that. He shaved, slowly and carefully, and then he looked down and shaved his chest, not much hair there, but he got it all.
"Okay, now I'm watching." Keller groaned softly.
"I'm not going any lower." Toby pulled his sweats out, looked, and refused to consider it. He didn't have all that much anyway. "Let me shave your ass."
Keller laughed. "I think the hacks would notice my big, hairy butt in the air."
"They might, and it's not hairy." Toby cleaned the sink and put his stuff away. Now what? Fuck. He climbed up on his bunk and stared at the ceiling. "Rebadow told me one time that I could spend the hours practicing breathing."
"Funny guy." Keller reached his hand up, and Toby paused before reaching down. Hands met. Toby enjoyed the simple sensation of skin on skin. He breathed and touched. Shutting his eyes, he pretended. They were holding hands at a park. Fresh air, laughter, children playing--his children. Keller squeezed. "Where you at?"
"A park." Toby let go and came crashing back down to Oz. He looked out the glass at all the other bored motherfuckers. "If you could kill one person here, who would it be?"
"Let's not talk about Vern, okay?" Keller rolled over; Toby felt the shift in the bunks.
"Okay, how about fuck?" Toby watched some guy take a shit--nothing new going on there.
Keller grunted. "Any of the women, and about half the men."
"Even the Warden?"
"Fuck no!" Keller kicked the underside of the bunk.
Toby laughed. He shut his eyes again. "We fucking tonight?"
"What else do you have on your schedule?" Keller could be so sarcastic. It was ugly, but funny. Toby tucked his arm behind his head. He'd said no once or twice, but changed his mind when he'd heard Keller masturbating. What else was there to do? He couldn't think of a thing.
"How much longer?"
Keller didn't answer. He didn't have a watch either. Toby sighed. He loved Keller, and it was almost a burden to bear. There were no happy endings in prison. They wouldn't get paroled together and skipped off into a waiting car. Keller faced nothing but time, and Toby would get out, eventually, if he didn't croak on a shank. Almost a burden, almost, but not quite.
The lights clicked out and a horn sounded. They were always sounding a damn horn for something. Toby didn't move. Why rush? They were facing a lot of dark hours now. A hack shined a flashlight inside and kept moving. They were innocent. He laughed softly. "You hard?"
"Sure am. All it takes is the lights going off." Keller shifted on the bunk again.
"Let's find out how many orgasms you can have in one night." Toby slipped off the bunk and into his lover's embrace. "I'm bored enough to try anything."
Keller held him and kissed him before saying, "Okay. Then tomorrow night, we'll try to beat it."
Toby smiled and flicked his tongue out. "No, tomorrow night, we do me."
"I'll do ya." Keller thrust up--he'd lost his boxers--while holding Toby down. Toby moaned. He had the thought again that it was only Keller that kept him from drinking and tits. Keller. "Toby, pull your head out of the clouds and suck my cock."
"Jizzbag." Toby put his knees on the floor to get it done right. The bunks were damn small. He didn't put his mouth where Keller wanted it until a strong hand wrapped itself around his neck. The touching was the best part of this, and he loved Keller's hands on him, or in him.
Toby looked up. "Always bitching about something!"
Keller pushed Toby's head back down. Toby grabbed the cock with his teeth, but didn't bite. Wouldn't bite. Not this man. Keller gasped. "Okay, I'm sorry!"
"Good." Toby took as much of it as he could before easing it out. He did move slowly--one perfect inch at a time slid over his tongue and banged into the back of his throat. With one hand, he pinched Keller's nipples, not too hard, that would earn him a smack on the head--a gentle smack. Keller knew better than to get rough.
"Oh, fuck, yeah."
Toby used his tongue more. Keller's hips came up and come spurted out. Toby swallowed and licked it away. "That's one."
Keller pulled him onto the bunk for a kiss. Their tongues fought, but Toby's was longer, and he pushed it deep in Keller's mouth. It was sweet. Toby shoved his sweats off and nestled his cock into the wet spot that was Keller's groin. They moved together, and Toby needed more. "My turn?"
"Sure." Keller didn't get off the bunk. He flipped around. "If you have the urge to lick my balls, don't."
"Right." Toby wrapped his hands around Keller's ass, but didn't suck him, not again, not so soon. When Keller's great mouth slid all the way down his cock, he gasped, "Shit." It felt so good, and he did mouth Keller's balls, but not too much. Prick always got his way. Keller started doing things that Toby knew would lead to fucking him. He shuddered and surrendered, again, to the good sensations. Keller's balls pressed into Toby's face, and Toby chuckled before sucking them.
"Yeah." Toby wanted that mouth back. "Chris, you always stop and make me ask. Just do it."
"But I like to hear it." Keller licked from one end of Toby's cock to the other. "So say it."
Toby squeezed Keller's ass hard. "Please, Chris, will you let me shoot come down your throat?"
"Yeah. This time." Keller went back at it, and the swift heat was more intense for having been gone. Toby didn't like asking, but Keller needed it, for some damn reason. Thoughts, fears, arguments, and addictions were all forgotten as he pushed up, breathing hard, aching for it, and it swept over him. So--fucking--good. When the tingles died away, he rested and tried not to groan about the fingers still inside him.
"We've got to be about out of the lube you stole from the infirmary."
"Me? I never steal. I borrow." Keller kissed Toby's stomach. "I stole two."
Toby laughed. He should've guessed. The fingers moved, and he stopped laughing and started groaning. Damn. His cock bucked out an extra shot.
"Give me all of it."
Toby groaned again at the growled words. Keller executed a maneuver worthy of gymnast, and they were kissing. The tongue and fingers of Keller made him crazy for more. The first time it had happened, it had been embarrassing, but now Toby gratefully sank into it and enjoyed every second that made him forget.
Part of Toby growled no, but the other ninety percent rolled right over and groaned for it. Keller smoothed a hand over Toby's back and muttered something. Toby wasn't sure what, but last night it had been, 'sweet.' He shut his eyes and waited for the swift push, but it didn't happen. Keller was playing--with Toby's body parts, slowly.
"Keller, for God's sake." Toby glared.
"No rush, Beech." Keller smiled at him and swatted his ass. "You going somewhere?"
"Oh, shut the fuck up." Toby realized the depth of his error when his saw Keller's eyes narrow. Shit. It had just turned into a long night. When would he learn not to mouth off when Keller had his fingers where they probably didn't belong, but he loved to put them? Time slowed down even farther as Keller did what he pleased, and he wouldn't quit now until Toby said please. The cocksucker. Toby clamped his lips shut; he wouldn't beg, not tonight. Eventually, the lights would come on, and Keller would have to stop. Stop. Oh God.
"Like that, huh?"
Toby whooshed out a big breath. "No. I don't. Shit!"
"Come on, Toby. Tell me what you want." Keller's voice poured over him like gasoline on a fire. "Tell. Me."
Toby squirmed and panted. He wouldn't. Lord have mercy. Not in Oz though. He never did. "Fuck me," he whispered, softly, very softly.
"Excuse me?" Keller twisted his hand deeper.
"Prick! Damn you!" Toby put his hand back and tried to shove Keller away. Keller laughed and sheathed his cock almost to the hairs. He'd moved fast and hard, driving the breath from Toby's body. Toby made a noise that embarrassed him. He was crushed, pressed, fucked. "Thanks."
"No problem." Keller nibbled and sucked on Toby's exposed neck. Toby grunted and ignored his father's voice telling him that this was wrong. Wrong? In Oz? A hard thrust drove the residual shame, and everything else, from him. Keller kissed him. "Too hard?"
"Yes!" Toby hissed. Keller eased back and forth and started an easy rocking motion. He'd been asserting his dominance, nothing else. Toby didn't pretend he didn't like it. He moved as much as he could and drifted on the tide of good feelings. Warm skin that felt so good, moving, never stopping, making him feel loved, wanted, and even special.
Toby smiled. "Love you too." He meant it. They might drive each other crazy or kill each other, but they loved each other, as much as they were able, given who they were.
Keller grunted softly in Toby's ear and whispered, "Here comes two."
Toby squeezed with his ass muscles to hear Keller's passion. Keller didn't disappoint him, and the soft sounds comforted the jagged edges of his soul. A patch of light caught Toby's eye, and he said quickly, "Hack coming."
Keller eased away, but fast, and when the light shone inside, he was at the sink, and Toby was under the covers of the bottom bunk. They were both surprised when the door clicked open.
"Excuse me, Beecher, but I believe the top bunk is yours." Murphy smirked. "Get on it."
"We switched." Keller looked guilty as sin, completely naked. Toby made sure not to laugh.
"Move, and that's it for the night, girls." Murphy had his stick out. He was serious. Toby scooped his sweats off the floor, put them on, and got on the top bunk. No reason to pretend they hadn't been fucking.
Keller found his boxers, and Murphy let the door close. "Fucking hack."
"He's charming though. Gotta admit it." Toby immediately got down and cleaned up. Dirty was one thing, sticky was another. Keller watched from the bottom bunk, and he was smiling. Toby laughed softly. "Only twice."
"You come again?"
"Didn't get there." Toby shrugged. He didn't care. Before stepping up on the top bunk, he let Keller pull him into another kiss. And another, but Toby saw the light again and broke away. This time, they were both in their respective bunks. Innocent again. Laughable. He rolled to his stomach and tucked his pillow tight under his chin. Sleep seemed far away, and he tried not to hope that lockdown would end in the morning. It would end. It had to.
"I think we should be." Toby didn't want to go to the hole for fucking, and Murphy would do it. "You?"
"He'll be back." Keller sighed. "You did forgive me, right?"
Toby had answered this question, more times than he liked. "Chris, I did. We're square."
"Because you shanked me."
"Did I?" Toby asked softly. He smiled, but he was careful not to laugh. "You saved me in the gym."
"So, you owe me." Keller sounded sure of himself now.
Toby rubbed his eyes. He was suddenly tired. "I'll return the favor some day."
"I'll hold you to that." Keller yawned. "One more day and I'm going nuts."
Toby didn't answer. He shut his eyes and drifted. These moments after lovemaking always gave him a sense that, perhaps, Oz didn't own him, and he carried something inside him that this shithole couldn't touch. Images slipped over his eyelids, he didn't linger on any of them except Keller's smile, and he breathed. He needed the practice.